This is fascinating, how ramen is the main barter item in prison. There are many groups of people with deep ramen cultures. Obviously Asians with "real," homemade ramen is the main one, But for cheap packet ramen, jail and prison inmates cook with it, college students usually discover it early on, and in my case, it was as a BMX guy in the early 90's recession. I've managed to only spend three days in jail in my life, but I did enjoy a big prison ramen meal cooked by a former inmate once, in a Christian biker house I crashed at for a night. That recipe is below.
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Ramen isn't food, it's starvation insurance. The pack of simulated noodles made out of God knows what, along with the little silver packet of magic dust, makes your stomach believe you are eating real food. But you're not. For a quarter or so, that pack of ramen will transport you through an afternoon, maybe even a whole day, until you have money to buy real food again.
In about 1993, I wrote an article for Dig BMX magazine in the U.K., about ramen. Dig was pretty new, and coming out sporadically, as money allowed, at the time. If I remember correctly, my ramen piece wound up as a full page article, on the inside back page of one of the early issues of the magazine. Living in a series of BMX houses, with 2 to 12 roommates, packets of ramen had become a part of BMX and skateboard culture in the long recession of the early 1990's.
My personal record is when I lived primarily off ramen for about three weeks straight. Being the dork I was, I bought a speed reading course for $300 at a business conference, while I was living at the infamous P.O.W. BMX House. I couldn't afford to eat for about three weeks, and lived almost entirely on ramen for that time. I think I had two real meals in three weeks. But it was worth it, The speed reading course led to me reading about 100 books, totaling over 27,000 pages, in the next 5 or 6 years. That helped turn me into the highly intelligent homeless guy who predicts stock market crashes, that I am today (September 2022 is gonna suck for stocks, I think).
Staple meals for BMXers and skaters in the early 1990's were 23 cent packs of ramen, 49 cent tacos at Del Taco, and 59 cent tacos at Taco Bell (ask the H.B. guys about the "smoky burrito" day). Even Tony Hawk, in his first book, talks about living off $5 a day in the early 90's, much of that spent at Del Taco, as I recall. Now we are 30 years older, and heading into what looks like another gnarly recession. So I'm sharing a few of my favorite recipes using a cheap packet of ramen, available at grocery stores, liquor stores and mini marts, colleges, and prisons across this great country. For all of you young people out there looking to fill your belly for as little money as possible, during this coming recession, here you go.
How to cook a standard packet of ramen
You don't just cook ramen. There is a basic protocol for standard ramen. (1) Before you open the pack, grab it with both hands, and twist a little, to break up the block of noodles into smaller pieces, Sure, big long noodles look cool in cookbook photos, but they're a pain to eat in every day chow down mode. So break up the noodle block into 6 or 8 big chunks, that gives you shorter noodles, which are easier to eat. (2) In a cooking pot, pour about an inch and a half of water, and bring it to a boil. Only amateurs put the ramen in when the water is cold or warm. Don't put the noodles in until the water is boiling. They don't cook any faster if you put them in earlier. Set the silver packet aside while cooking the noodles. (3) Cook the noodles until they begin to soften up. Don't over cook them. They will continue to soften up because the broth will stay hot, as you add the magic dust, and then eat them. If you overcook the noodles, they eventually turn into a gooey mass, not good. So once the noodles begin to soften up they're done. (4) Open the silver packet of magic ramen dust, and pour into the still boiling water. Use a long spoon or spatula to stir them until the dust is fully dissolved. This should only take maybe 30 seconds or so. Once the flavor packet dust is dissolved, turn off the heat. If you're fully ghetto, like we were back in the 90's, grab a fork and head into the living room to watch TV while you eat out of the pot. Since the pot is still hot, don't set it directly on the coffee table or couch. Put an old porno mag or piece of wood under it, to keep from burning the furniture. If you're not ghetto, pour ramen into a good sized ceramic bowl, and eat. Enjoy.
Ramen with frozen vegetables- Add some frozen vegetables, like peas, corn, carrots, lima beans, mixed vegetables or whatever, while cooking. You'll have to experiement a bit to figure out just when to add them to the boiling water, so they heat up, but don't over cook.
Ramen with fresh or canned vegetables- Got some fresh veggies in the fridge? Or a can or two in the cupboard? Carrots, celery, corn, peas, onions, and potatoes could all work well. I think I've done this a couple of times. In my case, I'd fry some celery or onions in a pan with a bit of oil, so they're partially cooked, but still crisp. Then add them into the cooking ramen while it's boiling, right before adding the seasoning packet. Boil for another minute or so, while stirring. You could also nuke veggies in a microwave, or just add canned veggies. Experiment, see what tastes good. For potatoes, nuke them in the microwave for a 2-4 minutes, cut into small pieces, then add into soup right before adding the flavor packet, and boil for a minute or so.
Ramenetti- I did this one quite a bit in back in the early 90's. Basically it's spaghetti with ramen noodles, when you're too broke to go buy pasta, but have ramen packs and spaghetti sauce in the fridge. Cook the ramen noodles until done, then drain them in a strainer. Heat up spaghetti sauce in a pot, and pour on top of noodles on a plate when done. You can also add cooked hamburger, make meatballs if you know how, or fry up some vegetables to add in. I like to chop onions and green (bell) peppers in big chunks, and fry them in butter with some basil added in. Sautee' until cooked but crisp, then add on top of the ramen noodles and sauce. Low budget epic goodness.
Ramen noodles with butter and lemon pepper- Cook the ramen noodles until done, and then strain. Put them on a plate. Then melt some butter in a pot on low heat, and shake in a bunch of lemon pepper (find it in the spice aisle). Just get the butter melted, and stir the lemon pepper, then pour over the noodles, and mix them up with a fork. If you've never made this, you'll be surprised how freakin' good this simple dish tastes. Lemon pepper is also good on chicken, halibut, and probably a bunch of other things I don't know how to cook.
Stoned Soup- This is one to cook if you live with a bunch of roommates. If you've never heard of the children's book Stone Soup, check it out here. I got this idea when living in a house full of BMXers back in the early 90's, where half of the guys smoked weed. I was going to write my own version of the story, in a world with lots of roommates who were stoners. But I never got around to writing it. The basic idea is to cook a big pot of ramen, and everyone throws something into the mix. A couple people put in a couple packs of ramen each, others donate a carrot, potato, onion, other veggies, rice, maybe hamburger, and maybe something for desert. No stones necessary, just hungry stoners and non-stoner friends. Cook up whatever people donate to the cause, and everyone eats well. Poof! Stoned Soup. I actually ate real stone soup, cooked with actual stones, at a church I went to in North Carolina. An actual chef, a member of the church, led the cooking crew. It really was good.
Ramen stew- Cook up ramen noodles, and strain them. In another pot, heat up a can of Dinty Moore, or similar, beef stew. Mix the stew in with the noodles, and chow down. For a large group, more ramen noodles, and more cans of stew.
Crunchy ramen stew- Remember above when I wrote that I had an actual prison meal cooked by a former convict? This is it. One day, while I was homeless back in 2008, I ran into a Harley biker guy. He asked if I was homeless, and if I wanted a place to stay for a night or two. It turned out to be a Christian biker house, where most of the people living there had done time for one thing or another, then became religious, and turned their lives around. Several had overcome drug issues. They lived together, an informal group, devoted to helping the group, and other people coming from similar situations. The cook for that night was a guy nicknamed Little Man, as I recall. He made a huge pot of ramen stew, like I described above. But right before serving it, he took a big bag of flaming hot Doritos, crunched them up inside the bag, then poured the bag into the stew. He stirred it around, and the chips added some crunch and heat to the stew. There was plenty for the ten or so people living in that house, and me, the guest of the night. I stayed there for one night, and was asked if I was interested in becoming part of the group. I said that it wasn't exactly my scene, and moved on. They were a cool group, and not officially affilated with a particular church. And several were still bikers. But it was a cool night, I reapp appreciated their hospitality, and I learned how to make Little Man's Crunchy Ramen Stew. Personally, I think I would go with Frito's, or tortilla chips, if I made it. I'm not big on super hot chips. If you make this, try any kind you like, and see how it tastes.
Chili ramen- This is the same idea as the ramen stew above, but instead of beef stew, use a can of chili. Cook the ramen noodles, and strain them. Heat up a can of stew in another pot, and mix the noodles into the chili, and eat up. Yummy goodness. Saltine crackers optional.
Ramen broasted taters- This is my own invention, and I've never heard of anyone else doing it. I would often cook two packs of ramen, usually chicken or beef, but only use flavor packet. So I wound up with a few extra flavor packets in the cupboard. One day I got creative. For these, take a couple of potatoes, and cut out the eyes. Then nuke them in the microwave, whole, for about 2 1/2 to 3 minutes. Then take them out, and cut them into big wedges. It helps to have an oven mitt to hold the hot potatoes while cutting them. You can cut them first, but it never seems to work quite as well. Then open a chicken ramen flavor packet, and sprinkle the powder on the inside, cut faces of the potato, not the peel. Rub the powder around with your finger, so it covers those cut parts. Then put the potato wedges on plate, peel side down, and put back into the microwave for 1 to 1 1/2 minutes. The ramen powder makes a coating on the potatoes, and when done right, they taste a lot like broasted potato wedges. You may have to play with cooking times, to find what works best with your microwave.
So there are some good meals, that are freakin' cheap to make, based on packs of ramen. Take these ideas, experiment, use your own creativity, and see what you come up with. There are lots more ideas online these days, once you get the basics down. These ideas may help you get through some lean times in the coming recession, or maybe just for fun. One more good thing about eating a lot of ramen, it makes you appreciate when you have enough money to eat better food. At least for a while. Enjoy!
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